


Two Sleepless Nights

by suzanami



Category: Magic Knight Rayearth
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-21
Updated: 2013-04-21
Packaged: 2017-12-09 02:49:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/769094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suzanami/pseuds/suzanami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Years after the Magic Knights first came to Cephiro, Emeraude's memory still makes for many a sleepless night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the Wee Hours

**Author's Note:**

> Originally two separate one-shots, these had so many themes in common that I'm posting them as two chapters in one work. One night from Fuu's perspective, one night from Ferio's.

Ferio looked nothing like his sister, Fuu decided. She had seen Emeraude in visions during their quest to save Cephiro. Emeraude, childlike and pale and delicate. It was the Emeraude that graced the large portraits lining the old hallways of the castle. She had also seen Emeraude as a furious, heart-broken woman, insane with grief. That was an Emeraude that only the Knights had the burden of seeing. Fuu had once tried to describe that woman to Ferio, but he insisted she stop talking about it when she couldn't stop trembling.

Fuu propped herself up on her elbow, looking down at Ferio, fast asleep against her. Her fingers traced his features, searching for a resemblance to either Emeraude, but there was none. In her time interacting with Cephiro's civilians, there were some family members who looked alike and some who didn't. Perhaps the way you looked depended on the will of your parents, or of yourself; though everyone she knew who had changed their appearance by will – Emeraude, Ascot, Clef – still basically looked like the same person. She continued watching him sleep, desperately hoping to find some similarity between her love and his sister. She thought that maybe if something of Emeraude lived on, her nightmares would stop.

She was still reeling from one that had startled her awake with a soft gasp. She knew Hikaru had rather loud nightmares but her own were easily hidden. If Ferio was fast asleep like now, he never even knew she'd had one. Sighing, she leaned down, burying her nose in the tangle of hair atop his head, holding her breath for as long as she could before pulling away and sitting up in bed.

The doors to the balcony had been left open and it was chilly in his – in their – room. She grabbed a blanket from the foot of the bed, wrapping it around her shoulders and tying it around her waist so it didn't drag on the floor. She slipped out of bed and shuffled to the glass doors, slipping through them into the night. She shivered as a breeze ruffled her curls and pulled the blanket tighter around her neck. The stars were bright against the dim sky, not quite dawn yet but past the inky black of night.

She missed the rain and the snow. She missed cloudy spring days and she missed the crisp colors of autumn. Every day was the same: sunny with a few clouds, pleasant temperatures, no precipitation. Every day was beautiful weather. Cephiro was beautiful but it wasn't home. Ferio didn't understand the appeal of a rainy day – his only experience with rain was stormy weather when Cephiro was unstable. He couldn't fathom the joy of newfallen snow or walking through fallen leaves bundled in your favorite sweater. Cephiro could have such weather patterns but it didn't occur to anyone, so pleasant, beautiful springs days it would always be. She wondered, if Hikaru had taken up the role of Pillar, what she would have done with the weather.

Fuu shook her head to rid herself of that thought. The last thing she wanted was for Hikaru to be trapped as Emeraude was. She was grateful for what Cephiro had become. Perhaps the lingering terror of her nightmare was just confusing her priorities.

Footsteps shuffled across the luxurious carpet in their quarters and she looked over her shoulder to see a bedraggled Ferio gazing out at her. "Fuu?"

"You should get back inside," she murmured. "It's rather chilly." He wore his undergarments to bed, as always, and she couldn't miss the goosebumps across his arms. "I'm fine. Just wanted some fresh air."

He slurred something in that half-sleep language, stepping out onto the balcony, grabbing her arm, and pulling her back into his quarters. He shut the door behind him, the last whisper of cold night air wafting in around the edges. "Come back to bed," he mumbled.

"I was not able to sleep," she whispered, the blanket falling from one shoulder.

"Cold air's just gonna wake you up more, dummy," he replied, ushering her back to the bed. She complied, but just sat on the edge of her side, her toes not quite touching the floor. He crawled across to her, kneeling at her back and nuzzling her shoulder. "C'mon, let's go back to sleep."

She shook her head, shrugging the blanket from her body and letting it crumple to the floor around her bare ankles. "I don't think that I can."

He was still for a moment. Then, "You had a nightmare."

"Yes."

He relaxed his posture, sitting behind her now, one arm wrapping around her middle. Her hand found his and their fingers linked together in her lap. "Tell me about it."

"I don't wish to discuss it."

He sighed against the back of her neck. "Was it about Emeraude?" Her body tensing gave him the answer. "Fuu, it's been years. Haven't they gotten better?"

"They have."

Silence fell between them. His thumb absentmindedly rubbed the back of her hand, eventually slowing to a stop as his weight leaned against her. He was falling back asleep. She knew how much he adored his sleep and felt somewhat bad for waking him. She felt worse when she reminded herself that he had stayed awake as long as he had because he wanted to help comfort her.

She leaned back against him and he sat up groggily. "Go back to sleep," she whispered.

"No," he replied as he crawled back under the covers, leaning against the massive headboard. "C'mere." Sighing inwardly, Fuu scooted over to him. She sat next to him but he pulled her legs over his lap, drawing her close. "Now." She could tell it was taking a lot of willpower for him to stay awake, let alone speak. "What's keeping you up, hm?"

For a few moments, she didn't speak. Just stared at him, once again taking in his features. "Were you and Emeraude close? Before?"

He bit his lip, seeming to wake up a bit more at her question. After staring across the room blankly for a few seconds, he replied, "Kind of. We didn't bicker and she was always tender, kind. She would sometimes talk to me about things I didn't quite understand."

She grabbed his hand. "Like the rings she gave you."

He brought their hands up to his face, touching her knuckles with his lips. "Like the rings she gave me. She was always like that. She seemed flawless. She wasn't, of course." He very nearly laughed, his eyes far away. "She could pout like nobody else. Well, nobody else until you," he added.

Fuu's face grew hot. Not only because he was calling her out on a fault, but because he dared to compare _her_ to the saintly, martyred Emeraude. "Do you miss her very much?"

"Every day."

She did not apologize. It had long ago been established that there was no place for apologies on this topic, especially not from the Knight. The instinct to apologize for assisting his beloved sister's suicide was still hot on her tongue, so she quelled it by leaning over to kiss him. His breath was stale and warm from sleep, but she didn't mind when he returned the gesture.

Breaking away, she looked up at him, searching his face. He was less groggy, but still plenty tired. No, there was nothing of Emeraude in Ferio's features, not even in his mannerisms. Perhaps that was for the best.

"How long have you been awake?" he asked, breaking the silence.

"A few hours," she replied, her voice tired.

His lips found her ear. "You should go back to sleep, sweetheart."

As his mouth paid attention to her ear and jaw, she thought briefly, shivering, that she would rather stay up with him for a bit longer, but no. He would be a royal pain – so to speak – all day long if he lost another hour of sleep.

So she shimmied under the covers, curling up against his back, her nose against the base of his neck. She concentrated on his even breathing, matching her own, and the longer she tried to focus, the harder it was to stay awake, until she drifted off into a dark and thankfully dreamless sleep.


	2. An Unfair Trade

Sometimes, just for a second, out of the corner of his eye or in the morning when his vision is still blurry or if he's had too much wine, she looks just the tiniest bit like his sister. Her eyes, soft and sad. Her hair, in golden ripples around her face. To actually look, the two don't appear alike at all. But every once in a while, just for that fleeting moment, she seems like Emeraude come back to life.

He hadn't seen his sister in many years before the summoning of the Knights, though he suspected she had looked much the same up until the end. Her portrait in the grand hallway was exactly how he remembered her. When he thinks nobody is looking – usually well past midnight when her face haunts his dreams – he stands beneath her portrait and talks to her.

The official portrait of the Pillar, he's been told, was always displayed proudly in the main entrance of the Council's offices. Since this castle was built when Cephiro was crumbling, and after the Knights restored balance to the country, Emeraude's portrait has been hanging in honor and remembrance. It's one of the first things you see as you pass through the grand entrance hall. She is always lit by enchanted candles, her tender features glowing softly as she gazes down, still watching over her people. It was decided that her portrait would be displayed as a reminder of the citizens' duty to uphold the country, and in honor of the sacrifices made by the Magic Knights.

Ferio scuffs his heel against the carpet, eyes lowering to the bundle of flowers someone has left on the floor beneath the portrait. It was certainly one of the Knights. He's seen all three of them, on separate occasions, stand here for long periods of time when they think nobody is looking, not unlike himself. This bundle looks like it is probably from Hikaru – the stems are roughly cut, bound with a tattered red ribbon. His throat is tight; he swallows a few times but it still stings.

As he reaches up to rub the back of his neck, his palm brushes his earring. He pauses, then lets his fingers close around it for a moment. His gaze flickers back up to his sister's portrait. She's smiling down at him, her pale hands folded in her lap with no jewelry of any kind on them. No ring. His hand fell to his side. Yes, she'd given them to him instead. And who had he gifted one ring to? Her executioner.

He takes a long breath. If his sister had been a perfect Pillar, then Fuu would never have been summoned to Cephiro. He would still have his untouchable sister, alive and strong and ruling over the country. He would continue to simply miss her instead of mourning her.

He exhales slowly, deliberately. If his sister had been a perfect Pillar, he would likely still wear both rings. He would still be performing and cheating so he could buy food. He would be a nobody, an easily ignored wanderer. And he would not be sharing a bed with Fuu for three days every month when the Knights visit.

In losing Emeraude, he gained Fuu.

Disgusting for him to think that way. It wasn't a trade. It just happened that way. He knew when he met her what she would have to do, and he let himself care anyway. Maybe _because_ he knew. Does it make things better, he wonders, to have gained Fuu's love? He slips the ring from his ear. It fits over his finger easily despite the fact that they were once identical (he was sure they were enchanted since the other so easily fit on Fuu's finger). He slides it off again, holding it up and gazing through the opening, a round frame around Emeraude's innocent face. It was terrible of him to think that a lover can _replace_ a sibling.

"Ferio?"

The soft voice startles him and he nearly trips backwards. He turns to the source, already knowing who it is. "What're you doing up?"

Fuu turns her gaze to the floor, folding her hands over her abdomen. "I awoke from a nightmare. You weren't there. I was too shaken to stay in bed, so..." She trails off, smiling weakly and shrugging. "I am just taking a walk."

He replaces his earring as she speaks. "You had another." She nods, glancing sidelong at Emeraude's portrait. He steps towards her. "The same?" She opens her mouth slightly to reply, then shuts it quickly. She just nods silently once more. He leans closer, unsure if he should take her into his arms or not. Sometimes she gets this unreadable, untouchable sort of air about her when she's particularly distressed.

They stand this way for a minute or so before Fuu finally speaks. "Why are you down here?"

It's a fair enough question. It's the middle of the night and he's walking around the castle in his robes. He didn't even think to put on shoes. Fuu is still in her "peejay pants" and "hooded tee". She fiddles with the strings that hang from the hood, staring at him expectantly.

"I dreamed about her, too," he says softly.

Her expression falls. She bites her lip and folds her hands. "I believe it's been quite a few years since I was first summoned to Cephiro," she murmurs.

He knows what she's trying to say. Quite a few years and all of the Knights are _still_ sometimes haunted by nightmares. They put on proud, happy faces for the citizens but the people closest to them are all too aware. Fuu knows Ferio doesn't fault her in any way, but as he watches her take quick glances at Emeraude's portrait, then back to him, then to the floor, he can see the guilt eating away at her.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there," he offers.

She forces a smile. A fake one. It's not the smile that he wants to see on her face. "I can't depend on you every single moment of my life."

This time he does draw her close, pulling her by the shoulders and pressing his forehead to hers. "You can, though." He places a light kiss on her lips. They're trembling. "I wish I'd been there."

"You wanted to be with her," Fuu whispers, her hands curling against his chest. "I understand. I did, too, it seems."

He crushes her against himself, pressing his face into her hair and breathing deeply. She's warm and real and here. Emeraude isn't. A few minutes pass. Fuu's trembling subsides and her hands finally come up and clutch at his back, melting into him. "I apologize for being so much trouble," she breathes against his neck.

"Stop," he sighs, pulling back to look at her. "You're not being any trouble." He raises one eyebrow at her. "And you know it."

She smiles just a little, and it almost reaches her eyes. Her arms rest on his shoulders. "What was your dream about, if I may ask?" She tips her head to one side and her bedraggled curls, usually so perfectly tidy, fall over her face.

His memory of the dream is already patchy and blurred. "Weird mix of memories and ideas," he replies, grasping to remember details. "I remember being real little, sleeping in the same bed as my sister. In the dream we were both sick from eating something we shouldn't've, and she kept trying to give me these eggs from under her pillow. She kept saying they'd bring me luck."

Fuu's eyes soften. "Why luck?"

He nearly chuckles. "Because dreams." He brushes a tangled curl from her face. "It wasn't sad or scary like sometimes my dreams about her are. But y'know, I still woke up sad. And I wanted to see her." He shrugs.

"You realize that you didn't close the door behind you when you left," Fuu says. "The hall on the third floor is always cool and I woke up a bit chilled." Her eyes are looking more alert. "Someone could have walked right in."

He's happy to change the subject. "How disgraceful of me!" he replies, scooping her into his arms. "What if a monster had come in to take you away? I'd have to go to all the trouble of rescuing you just because I can't make sure the lock clicks!"

She's laughing just a little, just enough to lift his spirits. She wraps her arms around his neck, wriggling so that his hand presses more directly against her bottom. He doesn't mind. "But Ferio, I am not only a magical knight, I am a brave and strong young woman. I don't require rescue. I can quite take care of myself."

"Nope, nope, I won't hear of it," he replies. "While you girls are off battling and all that, I have nothing to do besides worry. You gotta meet me halfway and let me rescue you when you get in over your head."

And she smiles, she really smiles, with her whole face and her body and her eyes. She pulls his face to hers and she nuzzles him. "Why don't we compromise?"

"That's not compromise?"

"I suggest be both rescue each other when necessary. I believe I have gotten you out of quite bad situations before, all on my own."

"And I suggest we don't keep tabs on who rescues who more," Ferio quickly adds, realizing that she's saved his behind much more than the other way around. She's laughing, all traces of her nightmare gone. "Yeah, you know why," he adds, winking.

"Surely you aren't ashamed of being rescued by a girl?" she teases.

He lowers her to the floor. Her stockinged feet brush against his toes. He lifts her hand, brushing his lips against her knuckles. "I'm honored to be saved by the most beautiful Magic Knight to ever exist."

"Oh, hush," she flushes, pulling away and waving a hand at him. But she's smiling.

They fall silent for a few seconds before Fuu turns back to Emeraude's portrait. "I suppose we are being irreverent," she says, referring to the seemingly sacred area.

Ferio shakes his head, his fingers finding hers. "What's that on your hand, huh?" She lifts her free hand, a plain gold band on her fourth finger. She looks back at him. "She'd want me to be happy. I think she'd want you to be happy, too."

She looks sad again, but stronger than before, her dream behind her now. "I suppose." She lifts a curled finger to her mouth, thinking. "In the end, when it was over, she thanked us, after all. I don't believe she bore us any ill will."

She gasps as he suddenly pulls her against himself, not as gentle as he'd intended. He holds her close, tight, his arms wound around her shoulders, pressing her into his chest. "I know she didn't," he mutters.

Her breath is warm against his neck and her body is soft and her breathing is soothing and he is tired of thinking about his dead sister tonight. Fuu is here. If he holds her any tighter he might break her, he thinks, but she's not close enough. Reluctantly, he relaxes his hold on her. She tips her face up, and she's smiling at him. She looks nothing like Emeraude, is all he's able to think before she grabs his face in her hands, crushing her mouth to his.


End file.
